Coming home to your spouse after a long, tiring day is one of the best feelings in the world. The little time spent before sleeping can make a huge difference in both your moods and your marriage.
However, there are some behaviours that could be detrimental to your relationship in the long run. Here are six bedroom mistakes that you should avoid, according to experts:
1. Going to bed at different times
It might seem like a small thing because you two have different schedules, but overtime it can breed resentment. Psychotherapist Marcia Naomi Berger says, “It’s a recipe for feeling lonely and emotionally (and physically) detached from each other. One of the best things about being a couple is the warm, fuzzy time you share right before drifting off to sleep — why would anyone want to sacrifice that?”
She also said, “A conflict or grudge might exist that you need to talk about earlier in the day.” There are chances that it may turn into something much bigger if you don’t get the opportunity to talk about it in detail.
2. Being inconsiderate of your spouse’s schedule
For a happy relationship, it is crucial that you be considerate of how much rest your significant other is getting.
Marriage and family therapist, Becky Whetstone, shared, “One husband I counselled was a physician and had to be at the hospital by 6am every week day. He pleaded with his wife, a stay-at-home mom, to not watch TV when he was trying to get a good night’s sleep but she wanted to keep it on all night as background noise. Despite every effort – like suggesting she get headphones or he get earplugs and blinders for his eyes — nothing brought him peace and she would not budge. A few years later, they divorced.”
3. Not connecting with each other before going to sleep
You may be extremely tired and want to sleep as soon as you get into bed, but try to set some time aside to emotionally connect with your partner before you sleep. You will notice that it will make you both happier in the long run.
Relationship coach LiYana Silver says, “Take the time to talk about the highlights and low points of your day. There’s no need to offer advice or therapy to each other — just keep it to a short share.”
4. Prioritising screen-time over quality time with your spouse
We all have the habit of scrolling through our social media feeds before drifting off to sleep, but that should always come after your time with your spouse. In fact, it’s better to leave your devices out of your bedroom before going to sleep.
Marcia Naomi Berger said, “Taking a tablet or phone to bed with you harms your relationship in two ways: First, it isolates you emotionally from each other. Secondly, when we’re on an electronic device shortly before sleeping, the stimulation from the screen tends to keep you awake. With insufficient sleep, we’re likely to be less patient, kind and tolerant towards our partner the next day.”
5. Self-grooming in bed
No matter how close you are, some things are better done in private in your bathroom – like shaving or clipping your toenails, etc. Leaving your partner disgusted is never a good thing.
“A wife I worked with was disgusted with her husband’s tendency for grooming his nails in bed,” Whetstone recalled. “She’d say, ‘I hear a click or crack and every now and then a piece of toe or fingernail hits me in the face or flies across the room and bounces off the wall!’ Even when the nails didn’t hit her, she felt like he didn’t care at all about what she thought of him.”
6. Going to bed angry
There’s a reason why relationship experts say you shouldn’t go to bed angry. It allows the conflict to go over to the next day and festers misunderstandings and resentments. It also makes your partner feel like the issue isn’t important enough for you to tackle immediately.
Berger said, “Do your best to clear up issues well before bed time, so when you’re ready to turn in for the night you’ll both want to communicate lovingly, in words, tone and actions.”